Anything For the Tourists
by Abarero
Summary: Norway sighed, and began to head towards Copenhagen. Leave it to Denmark to take it personally upon himself to stand in for the missing statue of The Little Mermaid in the harbor. DenmarkNorway


**Anything For the Tourists**

Norway had only found out about it by overhearing a rumor as he left a meeting. His boss had been speaking with their Parliament when one member had stepped up and whispered something to him. Norway's lips pursed into a thin line at the words "Did you hear what happened in Denmark?" and he knew already that his day was going to get increasingly worse from there on out.

He wasn't sure _why_ he'd decided the best course of action was a visit. He had to admit, after all, that their utter secrecy about the matter was quite impressive. Even after speaking to his boss and several other members of the Storting, all Norway was able to piece together about the matter was that something important had been stolen, the Danish government was keeping things hush-hush, and that _someone_ had taken it upon themselves to stand in place of the missing item.

It was that last tidbit that had Norway headed across the waters immediately to visit Denmark. Whatever the situation was, it sounded like something brash and stupid that the Dane would volunteer himself for.

Wondering where he should start looking for him, Norway's cell phone started to ring and he fished it out of his pocket.

"Hallo?"

"Hey Norway, you actually answered your phone when I called this time!" The excited voice of Denmark echoed over the line.

Norway frowned. He usually was better about screening his calls, considering that every other one was some inane call from Denmark harassing him. "I generally try to avoid speaking to you, if at all possible."

"Oh I know, you're really busy!" He replied cheerfully, missing Norway's blunt comment entirely. "But I'm getting really bored sitting out here on this rock and thought you could stop by."

It was the statement, combined with the tell-tale sound of waves crashing against a shore over the phone line that let Norway know immediately what had happened. "Denmark. Please tell me you aren't sitting like an idiot out on a rock in a mermaid costume."

"Wow Norway, how'd you know that? You're really smart! I didn't think anyone would figure out the statue got stolen if I sat in its place."

Norway sighed, and began to head towards Copenhagen. Leave it to Denmark to take it personally upon himself to stand in for the missing statue of _The Little Mermaid_ in the harbor. "I would say don't do anything stupid until I get there, but I believe it's already too late for that."

"You're actually coming to see me? That's great, Norway! I'll make sure my seashell bra looks really nice then," Denmark remarked, then hastily added. "Oh, gotta go. Tourists are coming."

Left with an earful of dial tone and an oncoming headache due to Denmark's utter…Denmarkness, Norway wondered for probably the millionth time in his life why he put up with this nonsense.

---------------------------------

To say Denmark looked ridiculous would have been the understatement of the century. In place of what used to be a rather small, copper statue of a wistful looking woman with half-feet, half-fins, now sat a tall man with a long blonde wig, seashells over his chest and a gaudy green sequined mermaid tail. He looked neither sad nor wistful, and in fact, was grinning like a lunatic the moment he spotted the other country approaching.

"Norway!"

He rolled his eyes. "You're crazy."

Denmark just grinned wider. "Hey, I know it's a bit much; but I'm the country and it's my job to make sure the tourists who come here get to see what they came for."

"I don't think _this_ is what they came for."

At this, the stand-in mermaid pushed his seashell bra back into place. "I know the original doesn't have a bra, but I couldn't pass myself off as a woman otherwise. My chest is way too manly for that."

Norway rubbed at his temples, another Denmark-induced headache on its way. "I hate to ask but how long have you been out there looking like _that_?"

Denmark's expression softened, a warm smile now tugging at his lips. "Aww, glad to see you're worried about me. I've been out here since about..." he paused to think, "around sunrise when we heard from the police the statue was missing. I volunteered right away to fill in for it until we found the original one."

"You _would_."

The two lapsed into a moment of silence, Denmark's expression a bit closer to what the statue's was; almost pensive now, less over enthused. Quietly, he mumbled, "Did I do something wrong, Norge?"

Norway blinked at the odd query. "Excuse me?"

Nervously, Denmark reached up a pushed a strand of his wig's hair behind his ear. "I just wanted to help, but you're looking at me funny. I mean, I've never been able to help out like this before. The times the statue's head or arms got cut off. The incidents with the paint. Oh, and there was that time with the dildo and the…"

"I know, Denmark," Norway said quietly. The call of some seabirds and the soft lapping of the waves on the shore filled the silence. "Your heart's in the right place even if your methods are a bit outlandish."

He lit up at that, beaming. "Really Norge? That's so sweet!"

Norway blushed at his tone, quickly turning his face away. He was just about to explain that it really wasn't a compliment, not really, when Denmark's phone started to ring.

Denmark slid it out of where he'd tucked it in the waistband of his mermaid tail and answered it. "Hej? Oh hey boss! What? That's great! Norge is here so he'll help me out."

The shorter country raised an eyebrow, not exactly wanting to know what Denmark had just volunteered him to help with. Glancing down at his feet, he let his eyes trace the ground; from where the water brushed against the shore, the small smattering of cobbles that led out to the boulder, and then slowly, his eyes trailed up that boulder to where Denmark sat, animatedly chatting away on his phone with his boss.

It was silly really, the single crazy thought that flittered through his mind.

_With the lighting just like this, he almost manages to look somewhat ethereal._ Norway felt his cheeks heat up as he shook it out of his head. _A mermaid- no, merman with a cell phone, a frazzled blonde wig and a seashell bra. How..._ He glanced up at Denmark, who was smiling just so. _How appropriate for him._

"Norway?"

He started at the voice, coughing to clear his thoughts. "Yes?"

"Boss says they found the real statue and I can go if I want. But I'll need some help, you see."

Norway sighed. There it was, the help he'd been volunteered for against his will.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Well uh..." Denmark started, rubbing the back of his head nervously and displacing his wig as he did so. Sheepishly he pulled it off and held it in his hands. "I can't get off here by myself with this...tail."

"Let me guess, you're stuck in it."

"Kind of sewed into it." Denmark laughed nervously.

Sighing, Norway muttered a reply. "Oh I see."

Placing his feet carefully, and inwardly cursing the high tide, Norway stepped on each of the cobbles leading out to the boulder. Once beside it, he got his balance and stretched up his arms to where Denmark sat. "Go on. Slide off."

With a wide grin, Denmark began to shimmy as best he could in Norway's direction, finally managing to slide off into his waiting arms. The shorter blonde did his best to maintain his footing, but the "mermaid" in his grasp wasn't helping in the least bit.

"Hey Norge, maybe if you kiss me I'll turn back into a human." Norway glared. "Oh wait, that's for when the mermaid _is_ human. Oops."

"Stay still, you imbecile," he shot back, trying to step to the next cobble without losing his grip on Denmark.

"Ooh, I know. You can be my prince, come to sweep me off my feet. Errr...fins."

Before Norway could protest once again, Denmark planted a kiss on his cheek; off-balancing the pair and sending them both toppling to the side and into the shallow water.

Norway felt his face burn, shoving at the larger man pinning him down. "Y-You..."

Denmark laughed, loud and boisterous and so very him; his seashell bra askew, water dripping from his short hair, and his wig now forgotten as it sank below the waves. He shifted to the side, his sequined fins hitting the water with a splash, unpinning the smaller country. Norway was scowling, but Denmark figured he was just fussy about being pinned and would cheer up soon enough. He leaned his head forward and rested his forehead against the Norwegian's, blue eyes piercing and full of mirth.

Impulsively Norway closed the gap, Denmark's laughter abruptly halting as gentle lips captured his own. It was all the Dane's fault, Norway reasoned to himself, looking so ridiculous and..._wet_. With an unmissable blush staining his cheeks, Norway pulled away and averted his eyes to the now-empty boulder.

Denmark just gaped, his mouth opening and closing like a fish as he searched for words. Norway cocked an eyebrow. "It's amazing to think that you actually _can_ be rendered speechless."

"N-Norge, you..." Denmark stammered, a light dusting of pink on his cheeks as water continued to drip off his hair.

"And you are sadly not back to being 'human,' so it looks like I'll still have to carry you ashore."

Before Denmark could make another vain attempt at speech, the shorter country had gotten to his feet, given a irritated glance to his own soaked attire, and reached down to once again gather the Dane up into his arms. Finally wading ashore, he dug car keys out of his damp pocket and headed up to where he was parked.

"Let me guess, you have pants at home."

"You're good at guessing, Norway," Denmark said with a smile after a moment. "Oh, but I'm hungry, so can we swing by a pølsevogn first?"

Sighing, Norway shifted the heavier country a bit in his arms, hoping the smile tugging at his lips wasn't noticed. "If you want."

"Great! I think I could eat about fifteen røde pølsers right now." Almost to Norway's car, Denmark added. "And did you just kiss me?"

He said nothing at first, remaining utterly silent as he maneuvered the fishtailed country into his front seat. Once he was seated, Norway gave him a challenging look and answered. "You tell me, _Mr. Mermaid_."

Denmark shifted his gaudy tail, which had started to rip at a seam, showing off the strip of peach skin peeking out. With a wink he replied, "It appears that true love's kiss is undoing the spell, _my prince_."

And as Norway flushed bright red, Denmark's laughter echoed across the water's surface.

----------------------

Notes:  
[1] The Storting is the Norwegian Parliament.  
[2] The Little Mermaid Statue is a Copenhagen icon and a major tourist attraction.  
[3] Hallo/Hej - 'hello' in Norwegian and Danish, respectively.  
[4] Pølsevogn is a sausage wagon. They sell Denmark's very famous red sausages, røde pølsers there.


End file.
